Tucson,

You're so hard to leave because it's so hard to believe, but I... never mind. Thanks for the busted lip, bruises, scraped knees, burritos, and tear drops. I'll never love anything like I love you, promise.

XO,

JV

Uncertainty

Im not sure why a roll of silver dollars ripped out of my rectum with such force causing minor hemorrhaging/bleeding.

I'm not sure why my walls are crying extra virgin olive oil.

I'm not sure when my heart fell into my stomach or why.

I'm not sure who threw salt into my eyes causing them to well up.

I always thought of myself with a knife in the stomach and blood in the mouth; chipped teeth and lumpy knuckles. I can't remember who I ever wanted to be, but it sure wasn't me.

"Dreams are trash

On the side of the road"

THIS HELL WAS MADE FOR US. MY VERY OWN VALHALLA!

"I think she feels it too, even though she is hesitant she keeps showing up. It's not my dream anymore; its ours. I often think of pulling the plug but I heard it only gets worse. The ancients tell me to enjoy this hell because its angelic compare to door number 23. "

-MGM

Wouldn't you like to spend the night with me/Aryan Will

are you Jewish?

Try masturbating to really kinky pornography on mute while listening to Meditations from Thais by Massenet. It's really romantic.

"I just saw right now in the sky, from how the clouds and moon were, I saw a fucking skull! No shit. A FUCKING SKULL. I'm cursed. Deaths head, death."

You should all be murdered.

"One day, when the world is set to rights
I'm going to murder all the people I don't like
The people who have left me down without reserve
The people who are cruel to those that don't deserve
The people who talk too much
The people who don't care
The people whose lives are going
nowhere
The people who just give in
The people who don't fight
The people I don't like
The people who broke my heart so bad it never mends
The people who wrecked my life & all my so-called friends
The people who don't know when to forget & forgive.
These are the people who do not deserve to live.
The people who talk too much, The people who don't care
The people whose lives just leave me crying in despair
The people who told me I was wrong & they were right
The people I don't like."

Another Sunny Day

tumultuous.

Times up

Can't keep my coffee down.

Can't keep my eyes open.

I don't want work.

I don't want burns and cuts.

I should have taken the time to masturbate instead of listening to "Get Right With Me" by Depeche Mode on repeat and writing this. Fuck.

What can I say?

Burns

Dialogue

"I guess I just wanted someone to take care of me and clean my ears, you know, gay shit like that."
"Dude don't even worry about it. Here,"
He hands me a tipped up dripping wet menthol on fire.
"This will make you feel like God."
"I think I hate God more than I hate myself, thank you."

I take a long hard drag and immediately cease to cease to cease...

"Yeah, it totally feels kind of good."

"The last woman that I had sex with did that to me, thats what made me realize I was gay."

"God, I'm so excited. I can't wait!"

"Yeah..."

"Like, any pills or anything like that?"

"No. I got some dope."

"Umm, s-s-some dope? Uhh."

"Yes. Do you want any?"

"Um, well, I, um, Is it...Well."

"HEROINE, I HAVE SOME HEROINE, DO-YOU-WANT-SOME-OR-NOT?"

"Oh, yeah dude."

"Here"

He tosses the brown bag at the clumsy 33 year old.

"Don't kill yourself or do all of it. I have a really bad tooth ache."

"Ha ha, that's funny." she says as she points at an American flag.

"Why? Its not supposed to be ironic. Why is it funny?"

"Well, I mean, uh, It's just..."

"What?"

"I don't know."

"Okay..."

"The first five hours of the date were amazing and after two or three sangrias I thought I may be able to fuck this guy."

"Well, what happen?"

"Baby boy got a little drunk and started telling me that I probably couldn't give better head than his ex-girlfriend."

"He just wanted you to prove him wrong."

"Are you drunk? You are being romantic with yourself."

"Yes."

"I like it, someday I'll make you my wife."

"God, I hope so."

"Hello..."

"Hi."

"What's up?"

"I was just calling to make sure you didn't kill yourself."

"Oh, thanks."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Masturbation is great because you are fucking somebody you love every single time you do it."

"What if you hate yourself?"

"How many people have you seen die."

"Shit, I don't think I have seen any. I saw a dead body once. What about you?"

"Three, I think."

"Yo, how many people you seen die?"

"Three, I think. You?"

"Shit, I don't even know anymore. I seen this one mexican get blasted right in the head over some produce shit. His son was right next to him too. Shit was crazy. I seen my homie blast this other fool in the stomach with a shotgun for kicking us out of this party. He is doing 25-to-life now."

"Bummer."

"Did all those light bulbs already burn out?"

"No, I just unscrewed the other ones. Four lights were more than I could handle."

"You need to stop drinking by yourself in here so often."

"I want to put in red bulbs so the ambiance of the room matches the energy."

"Hell?"

Than I looked up at the mirror and said to myself, "What a load off MY mind, HA HA HA!"

Than I looked over at the clock and realized I was late for work.

Than I got to work and realized my clock was ten minutes fast.

"Pinche gringa!"

"I know. I hate her too."

"She think she man."

"Ha ha ha ha, yeah. Penis envy."

"Que?"

"Nada."

"Some people should just die." he says to his aunt.

"Thats terrible!" she replies.

"No. Remember that one skinhead Duane Voorhees?" he asks me.

"Yeah, he was a dick."

"Exactly. Remember how he died?"

"Didn't he crash his..."

"Alone on the side of the road!"

"Yeah, wasn't he drunk or something?"

"No, it was at like seven fucking thirty in the morning! He was going to work."

"Oh, shit."

"The fucker just needed to die alone."

"Gross, I kind of hate beer."

"I know, me too."

"Is there someplace we can get whiskey around here?"

"No deer. They are all closed. Its Sunday, the lords day."

"I thought Saturday was the lords day around here."

"Remember when you use to be able to crack your tow over and over again?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I remember you doing that in the movie theater. I don't know. I think I can do it too now."

(I crack my tow.)

"Can you hear it?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I still love you."

"Aww."

"Ha. Uhh, yeah."

"I feel really bad about it."

"Everybody poops."